Name Upon a Star

[lorimt]

I was looking into those star naming services as a possible gift idea, and have discovered they are pretty much a scam. Moreover, they are a really easy scam. In fact, there is nothing stopping me from starting my own star registration program. I have decided that the phrase "Name Upon a Star" is currently only being used for bad poetry, and so I can steal it, and use it for my own purposes.

What, you may ask, do I have that the other scam artists, I mean business people, out there don't already have? Blatant honesty and no expectation of making money. sithjawa and I have decided to go into business together. We (by which I mostly mean I, sithjawa is just along to be the dignified one...) can offer to name a star for you. This name will have no official meaning whatsoever, and will almost certainly NOT be recognized by the IAU who has the right to name stars. (That is the honesty bit in action, folks) Moreover, although we might copyright your name along with the star, you could do this yourself using the symbol insertion in Microsoft word or your other favorite word processor to copyright whatever you darn well please. In fact, we will probably have a do it yourself option, where you copyright the star yourself, right in the comments section. Also, we'll tell you that if you search around on google, there are some free programs that will let you find "your" star based on its coordinates. (Aren't we generous?)

Anyhow, if you've always wanted a star named after you, or at least a chance to pretend you have a star named after you, here is your chance.

For two cents (We trust you'll pay), you can put your "Name Upon a Star" by leaving comment below with the following information: Your name, the coordinates of a star, and a little copyright symbol.

For something worth more than two cents (food, cash, shiny foil), one of sithjawa or I might be persuaded to do some of this work for you. It seems unlikely. But you can bid for our amusement, if you'd like.

Just think, at these low, low prices, we're by far the best deal on star naming you'll find out there. For our fee plus around ten dollars, you could have a star named after you, and a book about the stars, to help you learn more about the sky. (Assuming you can find said book for about ten dollars.)

Thank you, and good night.

PS: Yes, this does mean I made it home safely. And there is snow! Beautiful, beautiful snow.

Comments

[willworker.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'll take you both out to dinner if you find me a star and name it after me. :)

Steve

[lorimt]

I am sorry to inform you, on behalf of my associate sithjawa and myself, that you have only managed 1/3 of the required fee, as clearly stated above. Moreover, your bid for that third is rather higher than we prefer for such individualized efforts. We pride ourselves on our low fees, and so welcome you to submit another bid with the other two thirds of the fee represented, and perhaps a lower offer on the final third. We are pleased to hear of your interest in putting your "Name Upon a Star."

[willworker.livejournal.com]

Your pardon, good sir, but your advertisement clearly states that only one of the three items are required.

"For something worth more than two cents (food, cash, shiny foil), one of sithjawa or I might be persuaded to do some of this work for you. It seems unlikely. But you can bid for our amusement, if you'd like."

It is clear that any of the three that is individually worth more than two cents fits the criteria. My legal council will be contacting you shortly.

::calls up Dina, Kara, and Rachel, his pre-law friends::
Steve

[lorimt]

Should you wish to pursue this course of action, it is of course your perogative. I, being the noble and high-minded sort would prefer to settle this amicably, but should that not be an option, by all means, sic your pre-law friends on me. I shall give this matter my personal attention.

For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[lorimt]

I should like to add to the formal record the following personal communication, in which I attempt to clarify for the sake of my accusor the intent of this advertisement:

On the early morning of December 22, 2003:
willworker: You said "something" (note singular)"worth...(food, cash, shiny foil).
lorimt: maybe...
lorimt: but we reserved the right to be silly
lorimt: all along
lorimt: one bid, many parts
willworker: ::replies::
...
willworker: I think I've got more pre-law friends than you.


Please note the record shows my accusor sent his hostile reply after my efforts at clarification.

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[willworker.livejournal.com]

Ahh, but if we are to bring character and eagerness-to-fight into the argument, may I point out which of us represents himself with the star of life, the universal symbol for help and aid, and who represents herself with a picture of her weilding an oversized firearm?

Character indeed.
Steve

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[willworker.livejournal.com]

And, as always, that omission puts the entire matter out of context.

Let the record show the *full text* of that conversation:

MathDorkSteve (12:28:05 AM): ::replies::
LoriMT (12:30:03 AM): legal council, legal council!!!
MathDorkSteve (12:30:09 AM): :)
LoriMT (12:30:22 AM): if you do not wish to settle this as "gentlemen" we shall respond in kind
LoriMT (12:30:22 AM): consider yourself warned

This unwarrented attack on my person (in the form of the comment this is in reply to) is wholly uncalled for.

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[willworker.livejournal.com]

And her business partner is no better!

KitsuneErrant (1:05:44 AM): ::hits steve with a fish::

Steve

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[willworker.livejournal.com]

I motion that the company's leadership be removed from office, and all company assets be turned over to me, who has always supported civilized, legal action, rather than character attacks and physical violence.

Steve

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[lorimt]

Naturally, I do not condone my business partner's actions in this matter. At the next board meeting, a formal policy shall be laid out on how to deal with difficult individuals. It will be stressed that we do not officially endorse hitting people with fish at "Name Upon a Star."

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[willworker.livejournal.com]

But I see that you do not not-even-officially endorse hitting people with squid. How convenient.

Steve

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[ceph.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear! *hits Steve with a squid*

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[willworker.livejournal.com]

I see that the accused's contacts with organized crime go deeper than the direct connection (her shady "business partner"). When her "business partner" and their weapons fail to deter accusers from the path of justice, she brings in *further* criminals to assault her completely legal detractors.

I maintain my plea-- that "Name Upon a Star" have its leadership dissolved, and its assets ceded to me in payment for damages.

Steve

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[sithjawa.livejournal.com]

Hitting people with a fish is NOT organized crime! Firstly, there is no explicit law against carrying fish, Secondly hitting people with a fish is about as disorganized as you can get, and Thirdly it was in self defense! You assaulted me with a pun!

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[camlost.livejournal.com]

I, JOHUSA Middlebrush, High Judge of the COURT OF SILLY, hereby diisolve the "Name Upon A Star" conglomerate, and donate it to a charity of Steve's choosing.

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[squirrelloid.livejournal.com]

On account of the appellate judge's inability to be suitably silly, and on noting that the advertisement merely says that those wishing to contribute more than $.02 have the possibility of a positive response, ergo: one of sithjawa or I might be persuaded to do some of this work for you. It seems unlikely. But you can bid for our amusement, if you'd like, i, Baughdvnleob Craic, head judge of the Supreme Court of Silliness, do overturn the appellate court's ruling and allow "Name Upon A Star" to continue its lawful activities. [The implication of the quoted text is that the attempt is valid, but don't expect results]

The incident with the squid has been rereferred to a lower court.

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[lorimt]

I was, I will admit, shocked to hear you were going to bring legal council into this matter. As I stated earlier, this matter, having come to my attention, will be dealt with personally.

Re: For the record, since it appears to be necessary at this point

[jmping.livejournal.com]

::offers unlimited paperwork to present to any legal council that may be found to challenge starnaming::

[origamist.livejournal.com]

Can I get the star at right ascension 06h 40m 44.6s and declination –16d 34m 44s named after me, origamist (or origamist©)?

Oh, and you wanted two cents.

Okay...¢¢

[theojf.livejournal.com]

I want that really big one that comes and goes all the time, both by being at different heights in the sky and by sometimes showing only half its face.